News – The Poke

News – The Pokehttps://www.thepoke.co.uk Time well wastedThu, 11 Jul 2019 04:59:05 +0000en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.2.1“Alexa, what do people think of Amazon doing a deal with the NHS?” 17 critical responseshttps://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/07/11/alexa-what-do-people-think-of-amazon-doing-deal-with-nhs/ https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/07/11/alexa-what-do-people-think-of-amazon-doing-deal-with-nhs/#respondThu, 11 Jul 2019 04:59:05 +0000http://www.thepoke.co.uk/?p=240958The government has announced a deal between the NHS and Amazon, which would see its digital assistant, Alexa, begin diagnosing peoples symptoms using NHS-sanctioned information in a bid to take some of the burden off frontline health workers. The idea has caused concern from people considering the implications for data protection, as well as safety. […]

The post “Alexa, what do people think of Amazon doing a deal with the NHS?” 17 critical responses appeared first on The Poke.

]]>The government has announced a deal between the NHS and Amazon, which would see its digital assistant, Alexa, begin diagnosing peoples symptoms using NHS-sanctioned information in a bid to take some of the burden off frontline health workers. The idea has caused concern from people considering the implications for data protection, as well as safety.

Today were making sure you get the best NHS advice if you ask Alexa – harnessing tech to empower people to take better control of their health https://t.co/Lw2TDzBqA2

— Matt Hancock (@MattHancock) July 10, 2019

People have been talking about the move.

1.

I just asked Alexa where my appendix is.
She said, “Your appendix is in the lower right side of your abdomen.”

This is clearly wrong. My appendix is in a bin outside a hospital on the outskirts of Glasgow.

— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) July 10, 2019

2.

Patient: "Alexa I think I'm having a heart attack."

Alexa: "Calling Neil Buchanan."

(I really hope this joke works, I was proud of it when I thought it up earlier). https://t.co/8AWmfryCRm

— Sam Joyson-Cardy 🤖 (@sjjc16) July 10, 2019

3.

Alexa:
Why are tories allowing Amazon to profit from the NHS?
Why aren't they forcing them to pay their fair share of the taxes that should be funding frontline services?
Why are they letting such a voraciously profit-thirsty firm have access to tons of valuable NHS patient data?

— will thorpe (@withorpe) July 10, 2019

4.

Amazon dont pay taxes; kept Scottish workers living in tents; spy on us; and now weve wasted NHS resource on a privacy-violating deal that couldve been spent on actual frontline NHS staff w/o even getting paid by Amazon for the privilege. And this party thinks it can negotiate? https://t.co/7EWNjMNGpp

— Coco Khan (@cocobyname) July 10, 2019

5.

Just farted so hard Alexa called an ambulance.

— Mr Roger Quimbly (@RogerQuimbly) July 10, 2019

6.

Last night, at 1am, I asked Alexa to turn the outside light off and it started playing Magic FM.

So thrilled to see it taking a more active role in the nations health. https://t.co/CAz0dwhnAn

— Tom Peck (@tompeck) July 10, 2019

7.

Hancock: “Alexa, I have bullshit coming out of my mouth. What is the diagnosis?”

Alexa: “Youre a Tory.” https://t.co/AcqIVQWrfC

— Damon Evans (@damocrat) July 10, 2019

8.

Alexa, what's this insensitive lump?

That's the Health Secretary. https://t.co/6Fqci3xL6B

— Stephen Q Bunwackett Buzzardstubble & Boot #FBPE (@ISayPorter) July 10, 2019

9.

Alexa, why do my consultant appointments keep getting rescheduled amidst a Tory-engineered NHS funding crisis https://t.co/UxYYb0VUXn

— Dawn Foster (@DawnHFoster) July 10, 2019

The post “Alexa, what do people think of Amazon doing a deal with the NHS?” 17 critical responses appeared first on The Poke.

]]>https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/07/11/alexa-what-do-people-think-of-amazon-doing-deal-with-nhs/feed/0Eight perfect reactions to the traffic warden who ticketed Tommy Robinsons bushttps://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/07/08/eight-perfect-reactions-to-the-traffic-warden-who-ticketed-tommy-robinsons-bus/ https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/07/08/eight-perfect-reactions-to-the-traffic-warden-who-ticketed-tommy-robinsons-bus/#respondMon, 08 Jul 2019 04:22:02 +0000http://www.thepoke.co.uk/?p=240416Not all heroes wear capes, some wear the usually hated black cap and white shirt of the traffic warden, like the happy man who slapped a parking ticket on the bus being used as a stage by Stephen Yaxley-Lennon – a.k.a. Tommy Robinson. The offending vehicle was parked outside the Old Bailey, where Yaxley-Lennon was […]

The post Eight perfect reactions to the traffic warden who ticketed Tommy Robinsons bus appeared first on The Poke.

]]>Not all heroes wear capes, some wear the usually hated black cap and white shirt of the traffic warden, like the happy man who slapped a parking ticket on the bus being used as a stage by Stephen Yaxley-Lennon – a.k.a. Tommy Robinson. The offending vehicle was parked outside the Old Bailey, where Yaxley-Lennon was found guilty of contempt of court.

This is the beautiful moment, and the even more beautiful aftermath:

Tommy Robinson has been found guilty on three charges of contempt & now his bus has been given a parking ticket. 😂pic.twitter.com/bNqdK21dW6

— Anti-Fascism & Far Right (@FFRAFAction) July 5, 2019

Enjoy your Saturday as much as the traffic warden who put a ticket on the Tommy Robinson bus 😎🙌pic.twitter.com/YBApNQQ17A

— dave M ❄🥕 (@davemacladd) July 6, 2019

The ticket was issued for “parking in a restricted street during prescribed hours” and carries a penalty charge of £130, reduced to £65 if paid within fourteen days, so hed better get it done before sentencing.


Via

A lot of Twitter took the laughing warden straight to their hearts.

1.

Nobody loves a traffic warden … apart from this guy who ticketed Tommy Robinson's campaign bus outside the Old Bailey and laughed off all the abuse from Yaxley-Lennon's band of thugs.pic.twitter.com/Zl75zKN2aG

— Another Angry Voice (@Angry_Voice) July 5, 2019

2.

To the traffic warden that gave Tommy Robinson a ticket today while he was spouting more racist shit to knuckledraggers, you sir, are a legend! pic.twitter.com/oUZnFKxUz5

— ★ K E N N Y ★ (@TheKennyScott) July 5, 2019

3.

Look at this traffic wardens response after he was abused by Tommy Robison supporters because he put a parking ticket on Tommys bus!!

What a legend. Hes really rubbing it in 🤣🤣🤣pic.twitter.com/clT898jkDr

— Imran khan (@KhanUR1983) July 5, 2019

4.

The nations favourite traffic warden. #SometimesILoveMyJob pic.twitter.com/FGTQrrkBGW

— Danielle. (@DanielleYorks) July 5, 2019

5.

A traffic warden may not be the hero we wanted, but hes the hero we need.
pic.twitter.com/GWfmX0jT9v

— Sir Chicken Digby Ceasar (@DigbyReturn) July 5, 2019

6.

The one time I'm actually happy for a traffic warden

— Matthew Leslie (@mattleslie74) July 5, 2019

7.

The traffic warden we can all love… ticketing Tommy Robinsons bus outside court and smiling off the abuse 😉 pic.twitter.com/JuvLl8nupj

— Hasan Patel 🌹 (@CorbynistaTeen) July 6, 2019

8.

Will you all join me and raise a glass for the traffic warden who gave Tommy Robinson's bus a parking ticket today, we salute you sir. pic.twitter.com/o1eqBkHlx1

— John Silver 🏴‍☠ (@JohnSilver_1715) July 5, 2019

Of course, not everybody was pleased about it.

Prick who gave tommy Robinson bus s ticket pic.twitter.com/37eecgg5Yb

— Millwall Division ATA (@AtaDivision) July 5, 2019

Journalist and historian, Mike Stuchbery had this reply for them.

Good one – just a bloke doing his job. Stop hounding anyone who won't bow to your little mate.

— Mike Stuchbery💀🍷 (@MikeStuchbery_) July 5, 2019

Read more:

This womans NSFW reply to American TV about Tommy Robinson was very funny and totally nailed it

People love this Liverpudlian womans takedown of the Sun after it asked about her row with Tommy Robinson

The post Eight perfect reactions to the traffic warden who ticketed Tommy Robinsons bus appeared first on The Poke.

]]>https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/07/08/eight-perfect-reactions-to-the-traffic-warden-who-ticketed-tommy-robinsons-bus/feed/0The Mail had the first post-row picture of Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds – these 7 responses say it allhttps://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/06/24/the-mail-had-the-first-post-row-picture-of-boris-johnson-and-carrie-symonds-these-7-responses-say-it-all/ https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/06/24/the-mail-had-the-first-post-row-picture-of-boris-johnson-and-carrie-symonds-these-7-responses-say-it-all/#respondMon, 24 Jun 2019 10:54:29 +0000http://www.thepoke.co.uk/?p=238673With Boris Johnson refusing to answer questions about the late-night row with his girlfriend which led to police being called to their address, the Daily Mail had the first picture of the couple together since the weekend front page news. The paper reported that they were very much in love and want to get married […]

The post The Mail had the first post-row picture of Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds – these 7 responses say it all appeared first on The Poke.

]]>With Boris Johnson refusing to answer questions about the late-night row with his girlfriend which led to police being called to their address, the Daily Mail had the first picture of the couple together since the weekend front page news.

The paper reported that they were very much in love and want to get married as soon as [the] time is right.

And here are the only 7 responses you need.

1.

Its very upsetting that Boris Johnson and Carrie Symondss privacy has been invaded once again. This time by a photographer who appears to have been hiding in exactly the right bush to capture a picture of them holding hands to demonstrate their love

— Janine Gibson (@janinegibson) June 24, 2019

2.

NOT STAGED AT ALL. pic.twitter.com/M4fuigyoUL

— Guy Walters (@guywalters) June 24, 2019

3.

BREAKING: Boris invades his own privacy to use girlfriend as campaign promotional tool. pic.twitter.com/sCSXOCrwX9

— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) June 24, 2019

4.

Im immediately convinced by this Detectorists reboot pic.twitter.com/7PiUg8eK2K

— Marina Hyde (@MarinaHyde) June 24, 2019

5.

In the Sussex countryside. Where someone has thoughtfully left a complete set of garden furniture. Uncredited photos, suggesting that no pap agency was involved. Completely spontaneous & not staged at all. The whole setup is very @alisonjackson pic.twitter.com/U1EJH8V6Dh

— Michael Moran (@TheMichaelMoran) June 24, 2019

6.

“As far as I am concerned that is the end of the matter…” pic.twitter.com/StygClKgNX

— Harry Wallop (@hwallop) June 24, 2019

7.

That time being, the deeply loved-up couple added, after he wins the PM job. And then we can get divorced. pic.twitter.com/BRC26egKMU

— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) June 24, 2019

READ MORE

The brilliant Cassetteboys done Boris Johnsons leadership bid and its got our vote

The post The Mail had the first post-row picture of Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds – these 7 responses say it all appeared first on The Poke.

]]>https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/06/24/the-mail-had-the-first-post-row-picture-of-boris-johnson-and-carrie-symonds-these-7-responses-say-it-all/feed/0People are comparing how Tory MPs react differently to male and female protestorshttps://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/06/21/people-are-comparing-how-tory-mps-react-to-male-female-protestors/ https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/06/21/people-are-comparing-how-tory-mps-react-to-male-female-protestors/#respondFri, 21 Jun 2019 10:27:39 +0000http://www.thepoke.co.uk/?p=238487Only one story in town today, Tory MP and government minister Mark Fields reaction when a female Greenpeace activist interrupted the chancellors Mansion House dinner. WATCH: Conservative MP Mark Field shoves a protestor against a pillar then grabs her by her neck and shoves her out of the Mansion House dinner after climate change protestors […]

The post People are comparing how Tory MPs react differently to male and female protestors appeared first on The Poke.

]]>Only one story in town today, Tory MP and government minister Mark Fields reaction when a female Greenpeace activist interrupted the chancellors Mansion House dinner.

WATCH: Conservative MP Mark Field shoves a protestor against a pillar then grabs her by her neck and shoves her out of the Mansion House dinner after climate change protestors interrupted the banquet. pic.twitter.com/DFwZYxROfF

— Paul Brand (@PaulBrandITV) June 20, 2019

And amid the shock and outrage there were also a number of people defending his actions – she could have been a security risk, right?

Which got the Guardians Peter Walker comparing how Conservative MPs react when the intruder is a man – and a woman.

For those who argue Mark Field was justified in his actions as the woman could have been a threat, worth noting there were several Tory MPs at Esther McVeys leadership launch when this – genuinely very furious – man stormed the stage. He was barely touched. pic.twitter.com/cmtmSaarnB

— Peter Walker (@peterwalker99) June 21, 2019

Just in case you missed the launch of Esther McVeys so-called Tory leadership bid, see if you can spot the Conservative MPs frogmarching the protester out of the room?

BREAKING: McVey speech interrupted by extremely aggressive man shouting “you are fake news! Fake Tories” pic.twitter.com/EJmBrXJdjS

— Paul Brand (@PaulBrandITV) June 10, 2019

Heres more of what Walker had to say.

Perhaps its trickier prospect to try and grab a burly, shouting man.

And if I can lurch into amateur psychology, Fields face on the video does not, to me, show a man worried about a threat. It shows a man furious his dinner has been interrupted.

— Peter Walker (@peterwalker99) June 21, 2019

A final thought: while I realise people who do feel under threat can act irrationally, if you fear someone could have a weapon, even in a bag, youd presumably grab their arms, not their neck?

— Peter Walker (@peterwalker99) June 21, 2019

It wasnt the first Conservative party event to be interrupted by a man. Remember this?

Notable how many Tories defending Mark Field on the basis that “she could have been armed” just sat there when that comedian approached May during her conference speech. And when I say “how many”, I mean: it was literally all of them. All of them just sat there.

— Marina Hyde (@MarinaHyde) June 21, 2019

Look at all those Tory MPs rushing to intervene!

Watch the moment a comedian tries to hand @Theresa_May a P45 letter during her conference speech #CPC17 pic.twitter.com/egAel2lyxs

— Sky News (@SkyNews) October 4, 2017

And heres what ITVs Paul Brand, whose video of last nights incident went viral, had to say about it.

I was at this particular event and it was genuinely quite worrying – the man was overtly aggressive and Esther McVey was sitting just a couple of feet away. Peter makes an interesting comparison. https://t.co/ia6zJoAdWh

— Paul Brand (@PaulBrandITV) June 21, 2019

READ MORE

Tory MP urged to quit after grabbing a climate protestor – the internet reacts

Source

The post People are comparing how Tory MPs react differently to male and female protestors appeared first on The Poke.

]]>https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/06/21/people-are-comparing-how-tory-mps-react-to-male-female-protestors/feed/0The 28 greatest reactions to the Tory leadership debatehttps://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/06/19/the-28-greatest-reactions-to-the-tory-leadership-debate/ https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/06/19/the-28-greatest-reactions-to-the-tory-leadership-debate/#respondWed, 19 Jun 2019 06:32:15 +0000http://www.thepoke.co.uk/?p=238049With the prospective prime ministerial candidates whittled down to five, the BBC hosted another debate – this time featuring Boris Johnson. From the bad boy band vibe to Johnsons cringeworthy attempt to deflect attention from that letterbox comment and Rory Stewarts inability to sit on a stool, the hopefuls didnt exactly cover themselves in glory. […]

The post The 28 greatest reactions to the Tory leadership debate appeared first on The Poke.

]]>With the prospective prime ministerial candidates whittled down to five, the BBC hosted another debate – this time featuring Boris Johnson. From the bad boy band vibe to Johnsons cringeworthy attempt to deflect attention from that letterbox comment and Rory Stewarts inability to sit on a stool, the hopefuls didnt exactly cover themselves in glory.

1.

The Backstop Boys pic.twitter.com/4DYSZUkwRz

— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) June 18, 2019

2.

Cilla: Heres our Graham to give you a quick recap

Graham: Well Sandra, will it be number 1,
a useless lying Tory cunt?
Or maybe number 2,
A lying useless cunt of a Tory?
Or perhaps number 3,
A lying Tory useless cunt?
The choice is yours! #BBCOurNextPM pic.twitter.com/zz1j8Bkmhk

— joe heenan (@joeheenan) June 18, 2019

3.

We cant actually vote on any of this. This is like a torturer describing at length how theyre going to fuck you up with a bonesaw whilst you say “no thanks please I really dont like bonesaws” before they nip off to fetch the bonesaw. #BBCOurNextPM

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) June 18, 2019

4.

The only remotely good part of that was when Stewart was on the cusp of regenerating pic.twitter.com/jzPgBW6O9v

— Ahir Shah (@AhirShah) June 18, 2019

5.

So, one candidate who understands the Irish border. One who doesnt. One who thinks they can buy it. One who can name places close to it. And one who gives zero fucks about any of it. And your next Prime Minister is…? Yup. God help us all. #BBCOurNextPM

— Patrick Kielty (@PatricKielty) June 18, 2019

6.

This is just like Blind Date except that the winner's going to fuck everyone #BBCOurNextPM pic.twitter.com/RI01EHCJJG

— Neil Miles (@neilsmiles) June 18, 2019

7.

I can't remember seeing anything on TV as profoundly depressing and chaotic and frightening as #BBCOurNextPM. Like Ken Loach directing Mick Fleetwood and Sam Fox at the Brits, while Emu gets pissed with Ollie Reed.

— Simon Blackwell (@simonblackwell) June 18, 2019

8.

New Boy Band “No Direction “#BBCOurNextPM pic.twitter.com/n5RNvo8Yqe

— Esme 🦋 (@ezd1973) June 18, 2019

9.

Who called it #OurNextPrimeMinister and not Tools On Stools?

— Michael Hogan (@michaelhogan) June 18, 2019

10.

Five deeply weird human beings #BBCDebate

— Stephen Mangan (@StephenMangan) June 18, 2019

11.

#BBCOurNextPM At least you dont have to live with one of them…

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) June 18, 2019

12.

If you think that was bad, wait until the swimwear round. #BBCOurNextPM

— Hugo Rifkind (@hugorifkind) June 18, 2019

13.

The BBC geo-blocked that debate outside the UK, presumably for national security reasons.

— Henry Mance (@henrymance) June 18, 2019

14.

Big winners from tonight:

1. Theresa May
2. Jeremy Corbyn
3. People doing something else.#BBCOurNextPM

— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) June 18, 2019

The post The 28 greatest reactions to the Tory leadership debate appeared first on The Poke.

]]>https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/06/19/the-28-greatest-reactions-to-the-tory-leadership-debate/feed/0Favourite 5 responses to todays Telegraph front page about Telegraph columnist Boris Johnsonhttps://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/06/13/favourite-5-responses-to-todays-telegraph-front-page-about-telegraph-columnist-boris-johnson/ https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/06/13/favourite-5-responses-to-todays-telegraph-front-page-about-telegraph-columnist-boris-johnson/#respondThu, 13 Jun 2019 10:19:56 +0000http://www.thepoke.co.uk/?p=237242No-one is more excited (with the possible exception of Boris Johnson) by the prospect of Boris Johnson becoming PM than the Daily Telegraph. It devoted its entire front page to the Tory leader wannabes launch and the prime minister in waiting. Heres how Allison Pearsons front page commentary begins. Oh, thank God, the overwhelming sense […]

The post Favourite 5 responses to todays Telegraph front page about Telegraph columnist Boris Johnson appeared first on The Poke.

]]>No-one is more excited (with the possible exception of Boris Johnson) by the prospect of Boris Johnson becoming PM than the Daily Telegraph.

It devoted its entire front page to the Tory leader wannabes launch and the prime minister in waiting.

Heres how Allison Pearsons front page commentary begins.

Oh, thank God, the overwhelming sense of relief! After three years of being led (and misled) by a stooping, scuttling wraith of a Prime Minister, after the misery of constipation with no laxatives, after abject humiliation and Nervous Nellies and national shame and speak-your-weight sound bites and Project Fear and oh dear, oh dear we have forgotten what optimism feels like, here comes Boris.

And these 5 responses pretty much nail it.

1.

Now is the time to remember Boris Johnson gets paid £5,200 a week by The Daily Telegraph. pic.twitter.com/fQQGzPsiHW

— Tom Watson (@tom_watson) June 13, 2019

2.

Oh nice! Advertorial https://t.co/LiMGvYC1UJ

— Aditya Chakrabortty (@chakrabortty) June 12, 2019

3.

Translate that into Turkish and you have Erdogans idea of what a front page should look like https://t.co/1hiGVXq4e8

— Jonathan Freedland (@Freedland) June 12, 2019

4.

Unusual of Boris Johnson to publish his daily newsletter as a broadsheet. https://t.co/IV4CzSnR63

— George Eaton (@georgeeaton) June 12, 2019

5.

really hope someone will one day love me and stand by my shamelessly ill-thought-out decisions as much as the Telegraph does with Boris Johnson https://t.co/4USdQA8qF9

— Marie Le Conte (@youngvulgarian) June 12, 2019

But perhaps the best response, the very best response, came from this guy, in reply to BBC journalist Neil Henderson.

Do you realise you are exhibiting all the tropes of a fascist supporting media that you would be so quick to condemn in other countries? Are you so bereft of self awareness that you cant see that? Or are you, but the moneys great? Have you learned nothing from history?

— Nick Peters (@NickPeters_TM) June 12, 2019

Hi Nick! Thanks for the feedback. We tweet the national papers front and back pages as a little service to our friends on the Twitter. Have a great day! https://t.co/XrOA4Dq5rh

— Neil Henderson (@hendopolis) June 13, 2019

Hi Nick. What til you find out what my newsagents been doing. Every single morning.

— RetroSchott141_15 (@RetroSchott) June 13, 2019

Source

The post Favourite 5 responses to todays Telegraph front page about Telegraph columnist Boris Johnson appeared first on The Poke.

]]>https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/06/13/favourite-5-responses-to-todays-telegraph-front-page-about-telegraph-columnist-boris-johnson/feed/0Adam Kay will send every Tory MP a copy of his book to warn them about Jeremy Hunthttps://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/06/13/adam-kay-will-send-every-tory-mp-a-copy-of-his-book-to-warn-them-about-jeremy-hunt/ https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/06/13/adam-kay-will-send-every-tory-mp-a-copy-of-his-book-to-warn-them-about-jeremy-hunt/#respondThu, 13 Jun 2019 06:19:35 +0000http://www.thepoke.co.uk/?p=237171Comedian and best-selling author Adam Kays memoir of his time as a junior doctor, This Is Going To Hurt, was the runaway success of 2017, exposing the stark reality of the strains on the NHS with humour and candour. In light of the popularity of former health secretary and prime ministerial hopeful, Jeremy Hunt, whose […]

The post Adam Kay will send every Tory MP a copy of his book to warn them about Jeremy Hunt appeared first on The Poke.

]]>Comedian and best-selling author Adam Kays memoir of his time as a junior doctor, This Is Going To Hurt, was the runaway success of 2017, exposing the stark reality of the strains on the NHS with humour and candour.

In light of the popularity of former health secretary and prime ministerial hopeful, Jeremy Hunt, whose record in office was catastrophic, Adam has arranged with his publishers to send a copy of the book to each Conservative MP, in the hope that they will be swayed from voting for the man who brought about the junior doctors strikes by his heavy handedness and failure to listen to those on the front line of NHS services.

This is how the move came about.

Right. Fuck. How much is going to cost me to send a copy of This Is Going to Hurt to every Conservative member who might vote for Jeremy Hunt?

— Adam Kay (@amateuradam) June 10, 2019

400 of you have suggested a crowdfunder. This would involve raising around £700k, and there are MUCH better uses of your charitable donations. Instead, me & my publishers will pay for 330 copies, and I'll send one to every Tory MP for some light reading before the vote.

— Adam Kay (@amateuradam) June 11, 2019

In This Is Going To Hurt, Adam wrote an open letter to Jeremy Hunt.

“Roger Fisher was a professor of law at Harvard University who suggested back in 1981 that they should implant the American nuclear codes in the heart of a volunteer.

If the President wanted to press the big red button and kill hundreds of thousands of innocent people, then first hed have to take a butchers knife and dig it out of the volunteers chest himself; so that he realizes what death actually means first hand, and understands the implications of his actions.

Because the President would never press the button if he had to do that.

Similarly, you and your successor and their successors for ever more should have to work some shifts alongside junior doctors. Not the thing you already do, where a chief executive shows you round a brand-new ward thats gleaming like a space station.

No: palliate a cancer patient; watch a trauma victim have their leg amputated; deliver a dead baby.

Because I defy any human being, even you, to know what the job really entails and question a single doctors motivation.

If you knew, you would be applauding them, youd be proud of them, youd be humbled by them, and youd be eternally grateful for everything they do.

The way you treat junior doctors demonstrably doesnt work. I strongly suggest you seek a second opinion.”

Courtesy of Adam Kay and Picador

Heres how people have reacted to Adams announcement.

BRILLIANT XXX

— suzanne moore (@suzanne_moore) June 12, 2019

Excellent work https://t.co/SwdaHFoY6J

— Miltos Yerolemou (@miltosyerolemou) June 12, 2019

Legend. As a Drs son I get to hear my dad moaning a lot. i went to visit him at work and now totally understand the B—S— they have to put up with. jeremy hunt is an egotist and a career politician he doesn't give two ****s as long as he has power and the top job

— Meron Persey (@MeronPersey) June 12, 2019

Ive just shown a friend of mine (who isnt on Twitter), your posts re this. His response was “Adam Kay for Prime Minister” and I completely agree!👌🏻

— KimL.E🌻 (@MissKimLou15) June 12, 2019

Twitter user @davidaw69 only saw one problem with the generous plan.

Brilliant, well done Adam.

The next challenge is getting them to read it rather than snort coke off it.

— David Cricket 🇬🇧🇪🇺 (@davidaw69) June 12, 2019

Source: Guardian
H/T: Adam Kay

The post Adam Kay will send every Tory MP a copy of his book to warn them about Jeremy Hunt appeared first on The Poke.

]]>https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/06/13/adam-kay-will-send-every-tory-mp-a-copy-of-his-book-to-warn-them-about-jeremy-hunt/feed/0Ann Widdecombe thinks science may “produce an answer” to homosexuality – 11 perfect reactionshttps://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/06/03/ann-widdecombe-thinks-science-may-produce-answer-homosexuality/ https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/06/03/ann-widdecombe-thinks-science-may-produce-answer-homosexuality/#respondMon, 03 Jun 2019 05:24:25 +0000http://www.thepoke.co.uk/?p=235279Ann Widdecombe, former Tory stalwart turned Brexit Party MEP, is one of the loudest voices of the new party, steam-rolling over interviewers with the uninhibited belief of the convert. On the political magazine show, Ridge on Sunday, she expressed this view about homosexuality. [email protected]_uk MEP, Ann Widdecombe, controversially tells #Ridge that science might one day […]

The post Ann Widdecombe thinks science may “produce an answer” to homosexuality – 11 perfect reactions appeared first on The Poke.

]]>Ann Widdecombe, former Tory stalwart turned Brexit Party MEP, is one of the loudest voices of the new party, steam-rolling over interviewers with the uninhibited belief of the convert. On the political magazine show, Ridge on Sunday, she expressed this view about homosexuality.

.@brexitparty_uk MEP, Ann Widdecombe, controversially tells #Ridge that science might one day "produce an answer” to people being gay.

More on this story here: https://t.co/dMeQywQxbR pic.twitter.com/SLN6uaaOGY

— Ridge on Sunday (@RidgeOnSunday) June 2, 2019

The reaction was as explosive as youd expect, with these comments perfectly capturing the mood.

1.

But will science ever find an answer to Anne Widdecombe? https://t.co/p19Lsx1bJd

— Stephen Fry (@stephenfry) June 2, 2019

2.

Opinions are like arseholes. I dont want Ann Widdecombes shoved in my face

— Craig Deeley 🇪🇺🏳️‍🌈 (@craiguito) June 2, 2019

3.

Ann Widdecombe suggesting "science may produce an answer" to being gay shows why the Brexit Party is such a threat: they are going to reopen debates about the rights of minorities which were supposedly settled long ago. We must fight them. https://t.co/dJnhRCYW5k

— Owen Jones🌹 (@OwenJones84) June 2, 2019

4.

I had no idea homosexuality was a question. https://t.co/f7Ojd5XbND

— Dr Adam Rutherford (@AdamRutherford) June 2, 2019

5.

Boh. Anne Widdecombe openly saying on #Ridge that science may yet come up with a solution to homosexuality. Do us a favour Anne, fuck right off.

— James Matthewson (@MatthewsonJames) June 2, 2019

6.

Weird how Ann Widdecombe has such faith in science when using it for vile homophobia but not when being a bonkers irrational climate change denier.

— Emma Burnell (@EmmaBurnell_) June 2, 2019

7.

Problem with a pill that changes your sexuality is everyone would be using it to make themselves queer coz we're awesome and we don't have the infrastructure to deal with the influx. https://t.co/EkAzoVQzCr

— Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) June 2, 2019

8.

You know what? Fuck Anne Widdecombe, shes the least funny Widdicombe, and shes an actual textbook fascist. Fuck her tiny mind, and fuck anyone who helps legitimise her, who thinks debating with her is in anyones interest, or who employs her.

— Bethany “Stable Vagenius” Black (@BeffernieBlack) June 2, 2019

9.

Science HAS produced an answer to being gay. The answer is, "some people are gay, now fuck off you prejudiced old termagant".https://t.co/FWhbonN8mK

— Russ (@RussInCheshire) June 2, 2019

10.

With Ann Widdicombe claiming that science could "cure" gay people, it's time to say again:

The Brexit Party is homophobic.
The Brexit Party is racist.
The Brexit party is fascistic.

Stop supporting this shower of bastards.https://t.co/bG3aeVz83e

— Aled & Teifi 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 (@AledGwynWiliams) June 2, 2019

11.

Scientists are working around the clock to calculate the size of the giant fuck nobody gives about Ann Widdecombes opinion on anything.

— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) June 2, 2019

As a bonus, comedy genius Janey Godley produced a hilarious voiceover to share Miss Widdecombes other thoughts.

“Science can cure the gays but science cant cure racism” #AnnWiddicombe #janeygodleyvoiceOver pic.twitter.com/9fns1exgpu

— Janey Godley (@JaneyGodley) June 2, 2019

The post Ann Widdecombe thinks science may “produce an answer” to homosexuality – 11 perfect reactions appeared first on The Poke.

]]>https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/06/03/ann-widdecombe-thinks-science-may-produce-answer-homosexuality/feed/0Dominic Raab in “not a feminist” shocker – 7 unmissable reactionshttps://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/05/31/dominic-raab-not-feminist-shocker/ https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/05/31/dominic-raab-not-feminist-shocker/#respondFri, 31 May 2019 07:21:10 +0000http://www.thepoke.co.uk/?p=235166If you havent already noticed, you should brace yourself for an influx of Conservative leadership hopefuls doing whatever the 2019 version of kissing babies is, now that actually kissing babies gets you a lengthy investigation by the Met Police. Weve already had Rory Stewart wandering around the countrys Costas trying to drum up support from […]

The post Dominic Raab in “not a feminist” shocker – 7 unmissable reactions appeared first on The Poke.

]]>If you havent already noticed, you should brace yourself for an influx of Conservative leadership hopefuls doing whatever the 2019 version of kissing babies is, now that actually kissing babies gets you a lengthy investigation by the Met Police.

Weve already had Rory Stewart wandering around the countrys Costas trying to drum up support from caffeine addicts, as well as Sajid Javid telling Scotland what to do. Now, we have former Brexit Secretary, Dominic Raab, who resigned over a policy he helped negotiate, making the shocking admission that he isnt a feminist.

'I'm all for working women making the very best of their potential'

Dominic Raab says he is a 'champion of equality and meritocracy' but not a feminist https://t.co/97wVNes3IQ pic.twitter.com/L39BfVasSt

— ITV News (@itvnews) May 29, 2019

via GIPHY

His comment was what the good people of Twitter might call “a gift”, and these were our favourite reactions.

1.

Cheers mate, he's all for working women!!! Never ever be made to feel grateful for a liberty that should be taken for granted. You've got the vote, we let you vote what more do you want? https://t.co/SB92DCQWwk

— Jess Phillips (@jessphillips) May 30, 2019

2.

I am very very sad to inform all of you that I have spent 85 percent of my mostly single life sitting in pub gardens with Dominic Raabs being told things like: “I dont like the phrase: women's rights it should be PEOPLE rights you know?” while I drink 13 vodka tonics. https://t.co/53NgczJWOb

— Dolly H Alderton (@dollyalderton) May 30, 2019

3.

Dominic Raab says he wouldnt describe himself as a feminist. Mate… 👇

Definition: the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes @itvnews @DominicRaab #ToryLeadershipContest

— Kay Burley (@KayBurley) May 29, 2019

4.

There is absolutely no way on earth this guy hasn't stayed up till 2am watching Jordan Peterson videos on YouTube https://t.co/A4I1UeT7HK

— Alan White (@aljwhite) May 30, 2019

5.

I wonder what it is about so-called meritocracy that appeals so much to white fellas with a suspect record of achievement…🤔 https://t.co/xNMyDDAM61

— Alison McGovern (@Alison_McGovern) May 29, 2019

6.

This definitely has the energy of a “career” “chat” I had with a middle manager in a major (non-media) company who told me if I worked hard I might one day get to his level. https://t.co/hXp0PwNGBE

— Jane Merrick (@janemerrick23) May 30, 2019

7.

What a solid bloke and only a single century out of date. https://t.co/giFvwd2MXG

— Kit de Waal (@KitdeWaal) May 30, 2019

There was also this …

But why is it not universally acknowledged that Dominic Raab has the actual actual voice of the actual actual Alan B'Stard? https://t.co/0i1VkPTTvv

— Hugo Rifkind (@hugorifkind) May 30, 2019

via GIPHY

Read more:

This Tory leadership hopeful has a novel campaign approach – the only 8 reactions you need
Dominic Raabs campaign video is a hilarious self-own – 16 perfect takedowns

The post Dominic Raab in “not a feminist” shocker – 7 unmissable reactions appeared first on The Poke.

]]>https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/05/31/dominic-raab-not-feminist-shocker/feed/0Nigel Farage was held hostage on his bus by fear of milkshakes – the only 7 reactions you needhttps://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/05/23/nigel-farage-held-hostage-bus-fear-milkshakes/ https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/05/23/nigel-farage-held-hostage-bus-fear-milkshakes/#respondThu, 23 May 2019 04:52:55 +0000http://www.thepoke.co.uk/?p=234363Nigel Farages run-in with a milkshake earlier this week must have deeply scarred the poor chap, or at the very least made him fear for his suits. On Wednesday, on the campaign trail in Kent, the commodities broker turned career politician ended up unable to get off his bus after some men were spotted holding […]

The post Nigel Farage was held hostage on his bus by fear of milkshakes – the only 7 reactions you need appeared first on The Poke.

]]>Nigel Farages run-in with a milkshake earlier this week must have deeply scarred the poor chap, or at the very least made him fear for his suits. On Wednesday, on the campaign trail in Kent, the commodities broker turned career politician ended up unable to get off his bus after some men were spotted holding the deadly substance tasty drink.

Nigel Farage is stuck on his Brexit bus because people have turned up with milkshakes https://t.co/AmedrduUCx

— Kent Live (@kentlivenews) May 22, 2019

Twitter had this to say about it.

1.

Superman had Kryptonite…

Nigel Farage 'trapped on bus' surrounded by protesters holding milkshakes https://t.co/9oz6Z5QoyE

— James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) May 22, 2019

2.

The law wouldn't stop him. The truth couldn't stop him. But a milkshake did. Truly, @Nigel_Farage, you are the hero our times deserve. https://t.co/Lou09WowiO

— Jo Maugham QC (@JolyonMaugham) May 22, 2019

3.

Can we just take it in turns to go and stand by that bus holding milkshakes so that Nigel Farage never gets off it. Ill happily take the next shift.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 22, 2019

4.

In 1912, Teddy Roosevelt got shot in the chest and still stood and delivered his speech.

In 2019, Nigel Farage is cowering in a bus because of a milkshake. pic.twitter.com/6qPQqkfD2d

— CyberSloth (@CaseyExplosion) May 22, 2019

5.

Hearing that Farage won't leave the bus pic.twitter.com/wtJnJLtvv3

— Ireland Simpsons Fans (@iresimpsonsfans) May 22, 2019

6.

Actual footage from Nigel Farage's bus today. pic.twitter.com/A1uOIscRcG

— Phlegm Clandango (@Cain_Unable) May 22, 2019

7.

Nigel Farage 2016: "I will arm myself with a rifle to fight for Brexit".

Nigel Farage 2019: "I'm not coming off the bus until all dairy products are removed "

— EL4C (@EL4JC) May 22, 2019

Finally, Louis Barfe wondered about the mood on the bus.

All those fuckers on Farage's bus, trapped by dairy-wielding terrorists. How long before they start drawing lots to see who gets eaten first? 20 minutes? Longer?

— Louis Barfe (@AlanKelloggs) May 22, 2019

They could always get someone to bring them a McDonalds.

H/T: Kent Live

The post Nigel Farage was held hostage on his bus by fear of milkshakes – the only 7 reactions you need appeared first on The Poke.

]]>https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/05/23/nigel-farage-held-hostage-bus-fear-milkshakes/feed/0The legislators who made abortion illegal in Alabama are all men – the reactionshttps://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/05/15/the-legislators-who-made-abortion-illegal-in-alabama-are-all-men/ https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/05/15/the-legislators-who-made-abortion-illegal-in-alabama-are-all-men/#respondWed, 15 May 2019 13:04:57 +0000http://www.thepoke.co.uk/?p=233626Alabamas all-male, all-white, senate has voted to make abortion illegal from conception, unless the mothers life is at stake, despite mass protests from women and men across the state. The Guardian published the photographs of the entirely Republican cohort who passed the legislation. These 25 white men – all Republicans – just voted to ban […]

The post The legislators who made abortion illegal in Alabama are all men – the reactions appeared first on The Poke.

]]>Alabamas all-male, all-white, senate has voted to make abortion illegal from conception, unless the mothers life is at stake, despite mass protests from women and men across the state. The Guardian published the photographs of the entirely Republican cohort who passed the legislation.

These 25 white men – all Republicans – just voted to ban abortion in Alabama https://t.co/WBgY6LYyQE

— The Guardian (@guardian) May 15, 2019

Naturally, the reactions to the mens decision to override womens rights have been largely ones of anger and disbelief.

1.

This ban is dangerous and exceptionally cruel—and the bills authors want to use it to overturn Roe v. Wade. I've lived in that America and let me tell you: We are not going back—not now, not ever. We will fight this. And we will win. https://t.co/WNlr7Ys73q

— Elizabeth Warren (@ewarren) May 15, 2019

2.

The men who voted for the new abortion law in Alabama are operating from a deep-rooted fear of women. They hate that they are scared of women and so want to control them. This law may work in the short term. But women will prevail. So stay scared, fuckers

— Miranda Sawyer (@msmirandasawyer) May 15, 2019

3.

Folks Ive been staring at this picture of the people who voted to force women to give birth even in the case of rape and incest for about 10 minutes and Im getting the weirdest feeling representation might be important pic.twitter.com/PpXTItGtlj

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 15, 2019

4.

"Youve got 27 men… ready to tell women what they can do with their bodies."https://t.co/SMD6uNZo49

— Jo Maugham QC (@JolyonMaugham) May 15, 2019

5.

22 Senators voted against including an exception for rape or incest in Alabamas new draconian abortion law.

Notice any similarities? pic.twitter.com/QNxFC1JU2u

— Simran Jeet Singh (@SikhProf) May 15, 2019

6.

I wonder if any of these men have ever been in a room while a woman gives birth. If they know what it's like. Because to vote to demand she has to – even if she is a raped child – should surely demand they do. https://t.co/LrUT6dkbp7

— Caitlin Moran (@caitlinmoran) May 15, 2019

7.

White man number 7 looks like hes proud to be the most qualified in the vote on abortion because he once read about a vagina in a book

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 15, 2019

8.

Feminism has gone too far. Remember that. .

These 25 white men – all Republicans – just voted to ban abortion in Alabama https://t.co/4qusSVpdGw

— suzanne moore (@suzanne_moore) May 15, 2019

9.

Georgia: Were going to be the worst state in the union to be a woman.

Alabama: Hold my beer.

— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) May 15, 2019

10.

Alabama is 48.5% male.
The 22 Senators who voted for an abortion ban are 100% males.

Must be a random coincidence. pic.twitter.com/ychKbDg71O

— JRehling (@JRehling) May 15, 2019

The post The legislators who made abortion illegal in Alabama are all men – the reactions appeared first on The Poke.

]]>https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/05/15/the-legislators-who-made-abortion-illegal-in-alabama-are-all-men/feed/0Gavin Williamson: 9 times the sacked defence secretary hit peak Gavin Williamsonhttps://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/05/02/gavin-williamson-9-times-sacked-defence-secretary-hit-peak-gavin-williamson/ https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/05/02/gavin-williamson-9-times-sacked-defence-secretary-hit-peak-gavin-williamson/#respondThu, 02 May 2019 11:59:41 +0000http://www.thepoke.co.uk/?p=232266Sacked defence secretary Gavin Williamson is unlikely to be a part of any government any time soon, but never let it be said that he failed to make his mark during his 18 months in the job. Just not in the way he – or any sentient human being – would have liked. Here are […]

The post Gavin Williamson: 9 times the sacked defence secretary hit peak Gavin Williamson appeared first on The Poke.

]]>Sacked defence secretary Gavin Williamson is unlikely to be a part of any government any time soon, but never let it be said that he failed to make his mark during his 18 months in the job.

Just not in the way he – or any sentient human being – would have liked.

Here are 9 times the wannabe prime minister hit peak Gavin Williamson.

1.

my favourite picture of Gavin Williamson pic.twitter.com/vZMXeMFyvp

— Hannah Jane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) May 1, 2019

2.

My favourite Gavin Williamson story is when he decided to pardon two ferocious army dogs following a campaign by The Sun and turned up to do the photoshoot only to find them ready to rip his throat out, so had to be positioned a longggg way in front. https://t.co/gj5yumhmag pic.twitter.com/402LkQBCfW

— Jim Waterson (@jimwaterson) May 1, 2019

3.

As Gavin Williamson has been fired, let us remember all the good things he did in office: Specifically that time he looked like he had some flags on his head. pic.twitter.com/7T3ab2BlZs

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 1, 2019

4.

For this to be your most famous soundbite …#GavinWilliamson pic.twitter.com/zNzDaQ1iyK

— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) May 1, 2019

5.

Let's not forget Gavin Williamson once reportedly suggested putting machine guns on tractors https://t.co/ahPhTPoXv2

— Patrick Smith (@psmith) May 2, 2019

6.

We may never again see such heavyweight encounters…https://t.co/0yfIUO06dT

— Owen Gibson (@owen_g) May 1, 2019

7.

When Siri interrupts as you're delivering a statement to Parliament… pic.twitter.com/NDsNUJDPV3

— BBC Parliament (@BBCParliament) July 3, 2018

8.

Is it just me or is Gavin Williamson asking the US Ambassador to visit is just like a boy at school repeatedly asking a mate if he can be his best friend #InsideTheAmericanEmbassy pic.twitter.com/0ztsU3LGld

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 25, 2018

9.

Gavin Williamsons Instagram stories: a highlights reel pic.twitter.com/EvCJKyf4HZ

— Helen Nianias (@helennianias) May 1, 2019

READ MORE

Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson has been sacked – the 17 best reactions

The post Gavin Williamson: 9 times the sacked defence secretary hit peak Gavin Williamson appeared first on The Poke.

]]>https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/05/02/gavin-williamson-9-times-sacked-defence-secretary-hit-peak-gavin-williamson/feed/0Piers Morgans angry that Percy Pigs have gone vegetarian – the only 4 responses you needhttps://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/05/01/piers-morgans-angry-percy-pigs-gone-vegetarian-4-responses-need/ https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/05/01/piers-morgans-angry-percy-pigs-gone-vegetarian-4-responses-need/#respondWed, 01 May 2019 09:38:15 +0000http://www.thepoke.co.uk/?p=232113A lot of people are very upset after finding out that Percy Pigs – theyre pig-shaped sweets and theyre sold by Marks & Spencer, in case you didnt know – no longer have pigs in them. Specifically, they no longer use pork gelatine in the recipe, which can only be a good thing, right? Er, […]

The post Piers Morgans angry that Percy Pigs have gone vegetarian – the only 4 responses you need appeared first on The Poke.

]]>A lot of people are very upset after finding out that Percy Pigs – theyre pig-shaped sweets and theyre sold by Marks & Spencer, in case you didnt know – no longer have pigs in them.

Specifically, they no longer use pork gelatine in the recipe, which can only be a good thing, right?

Er, wrong, after it prompted outrage from a whole bunch of people who like to get outraged about this sort of thing.

'Vegans and vegetarians – go and get your own sweets!'@piersmorgan isn't happy with the new veggie Percy Pigs… Have you tried them? pic.twitter.com/zbgCHacfff

— Good Morning Britain (@GMB) May 1, 2019

Heres what M&S had to say.

“For the last eight years we have been working to help our favourite pig move away from using pork gelatine,” M&S wrote in one response on Twitter. We learned a lot when removing gelatine from our Colin range in 2014, and in 2016 launched our first Percy with our new gelatine free recipe.

“In the three years since, we have progressively introduced the new recipe across all of our Percy range and from May this year we will be able to celebrate that Percy is 100 per cent gelatine free and can be enjoyed by everybody.”

And these really are the only 4 responses you need.

1.

I see Piers "I hate snowflakes and the easily offended" Morgan is losing his shit about…

<checks notes>

…a children's sweet. https://t.co/jX0l0rapkT

— Dai Lama (@WelshDalaiLama) May 1, 2019

2.

https://t.co/upZcoWUr2w Honestly, if youre upset about some sweeties not having dead animals in them I think you might need to reassess certain aspects of your life.

— Tom Williams (@TomW_93) May 1, 2019

3.

1) they're not new they've been out fucking ages
2) "go and get your own sweets" i mean they literally fucking made a whole different bag for themselves and didn't touch the original just eat what you want???
3) why are you so adamant that sweets (sweets!) need bits of pork/cow?? https://t.co/ZB1MYcXxAb

— katy moon (@Oog) May 1, 2019

4.

Piers Morgan – Raising the bar for perpetually offended Cock Donkeys everywhere. https://t.co/PXhbVLkUOq

— Evans (@Mativenko80) May 1, 2019

Source

The post Piers Morgans angry that Percy Pigs have gone vegetarian – the only 4 responses you need appeared first on The Poke.

]]>https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/05/01/piers-morgans-angry-percy-pigs-gone-vegetarian-4-responses-need/feed/0Lyra McKees “a letter to my 14-year-old self”https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/04/24/lyra-mckees-letter-14-year-old-self/ https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/04/24/lyra-mckees-letter-14-year-old-self/#respondWed, 24 Apr 2019 16:22:05 +0000http://www.thepoke.co.uk/?p=231419Today saw the funeral of 29-year-old Lyra McKee, partner, sister, daughter, journalist, campaigner for LGBT rights in Northern Ireland, and the latest victim of sectarian violence in the province where she grew up, supposedly in a time of peace. In 2014, Lyra wrote an open letter to her 14-year-old self, which she published on her […]

The post Lyra McKees “a letter to my 14-year-old self” appeared first on The Poke.

]]>Today saw the funeral of 29-year-old Lyra McKee, partner, sister, daughter, journalist, campaigner for LGBT rights in Northern Ireland, and the latest victim of sectarian violence in the province where she grew up, supposedly in a time of peace.

In 2014, Lyra wrote an open letter to her 14-year-old self, which she published on her website, The Muckraker, and it has now been shared by the Guardian as a message of hope to young LGBT people everywhere, and – devastatingly – as a self-penned obituary.

“Kid,

Its going to be OK.

I know youre not feeling that way right now. Youre sitting in school. The other kids are making fun of you. You told the wrong person you had a crush and soon, they all knew your secret. Its horrible. They make your life hell. They laugh at you, whisper about you and call you names. Its not nice. And you cant ask an adult for help because if you did that, youd have to tell them the truth and you cant do that. They cant ever know your secret.

Life is so hard right now. Every day, you wake up wondering who else will find out your secret and hate you.

It wont always be like this. Its going to get better.

In a years time, youre going to join a scheme that trains people your age to be journalists. I know the careers teacher suggested that as an option and you said no, because it sounded boring and all you wanted to do was write, but go with it. For the first time in your life, you will feel like youre good at something useful. Youll have found your calling. Youll meet amazing people. And when the bad times come again – FYI, your first girlfriend is not “the one” and you will screw up that history exam – it will be journalism that helps you soldier on.

In two years time, you will leave school and go to a local technical college. Dont worry – youre going to make friends. These will be your first real friends in semi-adulthood, the people who will answer your calls at 4 oclock in the morning. In the years to come, youll only keep in touch with Gavyn and Jonny but youll remember the others fondly. When youre 17, youll tell them your secret and they wont mind. It will take courage but you will do it. Gavyn will become Christian and you will fear that he will hate you, but one afternoon, youll receive a text message saying: “This changes nothing. Youll always be my friend.” Accept him for what he is as he has accepted you.

Youll go to university, like you always planned to, but youll drop out because it reminds you of school where people were cold and you had few friends. The campus is just too big and scary. But this experience will be the making of you. Youll be making your way in the world for the first time. Through this, you will meet the people who become your best friends. Theyll help you replace all the bad memories with good ones. For the first time in your life, you will like yourself.

Three months before your 21st birthday, you will tell Mum the secret. You will be sobbing and shaking and she will be frightened because she doesnt know whats wrong. Christmas will be just a couple of weeks away. You have to tell her because youve met someone you like and you cant live with the guilt any more. You cant get the words out so she says it: “Are you gay?” And you will say, “Yes Mummy, Im so sorry.” And instead of getting mad, she will reply “Thank God youre not pregnant”.

You will crawl into her lap, sobbing, as she holds you and tells you that you are her little girl and how could you ever think that anything would make her love you any less? You will feel like a prisoner who has been given their freedom. You will remember all the times you pleaded with God to help you because you were so afraid, and you will feel so foolish because you had nothing to worry about.

You will tell your siblings. No one will mind. Mary will hug you in the food court in Castlecourt as you eat KFC together and tell you shes so proud of you. The others will joke about how they always knew. They will all say some variation of “I love you,” “Im so proud of you,” “This doesnt change a thing.”

You will feel so lucky. You watched James get thrown out of his house after coming out to his parents. You were in Michaels house the night his mum said she would “beat the gay out of him”. You will feel guilty for being the lucky one and getting it easy in the end, even though you went through hell to get there.

You will fall in love for the first time. You will have your heart broken for the first time, and you will feel like you might die of the pain. You wont. You will get over it.

Right now, youre wondering if youll ever be “normal”. You are normal. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not going to hell. You did nothing to deserve their hate.

Life will not only get easier, it will get so much better. You will walk down the street without fear. Teenage boys youve never met will not throw things at you and shout names. Your friends will be the best anyone could ask for. You will be invited to parties. You will have a social life. You will be loved. People will use words like “awesome” and “cool” and “witty” to describe you, and youll forget the times the other kids said you were “weird” and “odd” and a “lesbo”.

You will do “normal” things. You will spend time with your mum. You will go to work and pay your bills. You will go to the cinema with your best friend every week because thats your ritual – dinner then an action movie where things explode. You will fall in love again. You will smile every day, knowing that someone loves you as much as you love them.

Keep hanging on, kid. Its worth it. I love you.”

Source: Guardian
GoFundMe for Lyras family
Photos by Alan Lewis and Jess Lowe

The post Lyra McKees “a letter to my 14-year-old self” appeared first on The Poke.

]]>https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/04/24/lyra-mckees-letter-14-year-old-self/feed/0Emily Maitlis had our favourite ever answer to the who would you invite to your dream dinner party? questionhttps://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/04/24/emily-maitlis-favourite-ever-answer-invite-dream-dinner-party-question/ https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/04/24/emily-maitlis-favourite-ever-answer-invite-dream-dinner-party-question/#respondWed, 24 Apr 2019 11:17:23 +0000http://www.thepoke.co.uk/?p=231424Just one more reason to admire Emily Maitlis came in this Guardian Q&A which included the age-old chestnut of who would you invite to your dream dinner party?. We think Maitliss reply might be our favourite one yet. Well, its certainly the one we relate to most, but let us know if youve seen better. […]

The post Emily Maitlis had our favourite ever answer to the who would you invite to your dream dinner party? question appeared first on The Poke.

]]>Just one more reason to admire Emily Maitlis came in this Guardian Q&A which included the age-old chestnut of who would you invite to your dream dinner party?.

We think Maitliss reply might be our favourite one yet. Well, its certainly the one we relate to most, but let us know if youve seen better.

That is us. Us all over.

You can read the whole Q&A here.

Source

The post Emily Maitlis had our favourite ever answer to the who would you invite to your dream dinner party? question appeared first on The Poke.

]]>https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/04/24/emily-maitlis-favourite-ever-answer-invite-dream-dinner-party-question/feed/0Ann Widdecombes going to stand for Nigel Farages Brexit party – only 11 responses you needhttps://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/04/24/ann-widdecombes-gRead More – Source

[contf] [contfnew]

The Poke
[contfnewc] [contfnewc]

Comments are closed.